


Smile, my flower

by DarkerParts



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Jihoon just loves his boyfriend, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi-centric, Lee Jihoon | Woozi is Whipped, M/M, SVT Best Dance Performance Group, Seventeen - Freeform, Soonhoon - Freeform, Soonyoung is a good hyung and a good leader fight me, howoo, seventeen deserved that award fuck you mama, soonyoung is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkerParts/pseuds/DarkerParts
Summary: After being treated unfairly in MAMA, Soonyoung tried his best to make sure that none of SVT is sad, not minding he is sad himself. Good thing Jihoon is there for him.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 145





	Smile, my flower

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, MAMA is a bitch. But that doesn't mean we should hate on any other groups. It was MAMA who decided on the winners, and on the length of the performances. We were all disappointed but please, let's all be mature and not direct any misguided hate on any of the fandom. 
> 
> Second, we all know SVT deserved that award.

Soonyoung tried to hide it. From the Carats, and to the members. He did try to hide it. But somehow it still showed.

He knew he went overboard on the stage, he felt it with how hard he performed and how he's still not satisfied right after the amazing performance. He saw the worried looks he got from his members, but he breathed in and out, before composing himself to reassure everyone that nothing is wrong.

He knew his members were upset, so he tried hard not to add up to the swirl of emotions and instead tried to be the pseudo-leader he was supposed to be. He made sure to hug everyone, tell them they did well, and that he is so proud of them. He gave Mingyu the blanket he needed before sending him out to the hiphop unit's car, made sure Jeonghan is comfortably resting with Seungkwan and Joshua at the back of the vocal unit's car, before he himself join the performance unit's car to make sure that Chan isn't disappointed with himself, bringing with him his favorite drink and Jun's favorite chinese snack he can share with Minghao.

Once in the car, he also quietly replied to every text their leader has sent to him, reassuring him about the members, telling him not to stay up late and to sleep without any worries. He didn't forget to tell him how proud he is that he's their leader too.

When they went back to the hotel, they celebrated a bit. It was just foods and a few drinks since all of them are tired and still need to fly out of the country tomorrow. He goofed around as usual, made a fool out of himself to make the members laugh and get rid of any lingering disappointment around the group. He think Seokmin and Seungkwan caught the idea, and he was thankful that they helped him ease the member's feelings.

Even until the end of the night, Soonyoung made sure to take care of his members. Buying pain relief patch to give to wonwoo since he has been complaining about his legs and arms aching. Asking for extra pillows and blankets from the hotel staff, and delivering them himself to Jeonghan and Jun who he knows has been feeling sick lately. He also made sure to buy a spray for the vocal chords of Seungkwan and Seokmin since they really went all out with their notes that day.

Once he made sure that everyone is comfortable and resting, that's the only time he let himself feel all the emotions he had tried to cover.

**"I've been waiting for you"** Soonyoung startled when upon opening the door to his and Joshua's hotel room, Jihoon is waiting for him instead. He's sat there on his bed, awake and frowning.

**"Hi, you should sleep. It's late and the day has been tiring"** He once again forget his own, Jihoon's comfort and rest starting to take priority in his head.

He noticed how Jihoon looked like he hasn't taken a bath, he hasn't even removed his make up. Soonyoung took his bag instead of going straight to Jihoon's side.

**"Soonyoung"** He can hear something in Jihoon's voice, but as of right now, he's not ready to face whatever it is. So he just hummed, and smiled triumpthly when he found he was looking for.

**"Here, change to this"** Soonyoung threw his hoodie to Jihoon, and proceeded to dig something on his bag again. When he successfully wrapped his hands around the kit, he turned around and frowned when Jihoon didn't move. He just sat there staring intensely at him. He sighed.

**"Come on, Ji. We have a flight tomorrow"** He took it upon himself on undressing Jihoon, taking off his uncomfortable shirt for him and dressing him to the hoodie he threw at him earlier. He then sat down beside him on the bed. Cupping Jihoon's face gently, and started to remove his make up for him.

**"Kwon Soonyoung"**

**"hmmm"**

**"Are you okay?"**

He smiled gently at him, making sure that no lingering eyeshadow or foundation is left on his face.

**"There all done. You should've taken a bath, it would help on easing-"** he wasn't able to finish his sentence because suddely, Jihoon's palm is blocking his mouth.

**"Love, I was waiting for you. How about you remove your own make amd undress, I'll prepare the bath for us. I'm in the mood to take a dip in the tub"** Jihoon spoke so softly, his palm that was on his mouth, slide down to his cheeks instead. Caressing them, before Jihoon landed a kiss on his forehead and standing up to go to the bathroom.

With the warmth Jihoon left him with, Soonyoung felt all of his walls crumbled down. He was trying to be strong and to not show his disappointment. But it's something he's having a hard time to erase tonight.

He knows it's bullshit. Awards has never been important to them. They have talked about it again and again, asssuring each other that as long as they're making music, and making carats happy, awards are their least priority.

But for some reason, Soonyoung has high hopes tonight. He knew seventeen's name has been getting big, their talent being recognized, them as a group being appreciated. The year has been hard to all of them. With little sleep and no rest at all, they continued to perform left and right, flying from one country to another to get closer to their fans, pushing the boudaries of creativity to bring something new and interesting to people. They deserved more than what they got tonight. And Soonyoung absolutely hates himself for thinking that way.

_But can you blame him?_ He saw how hard his members worked. To the point of collapsing and their health failing them. He saw how much effort and how much passion each of his members threw all out this year. He himself had given a lot. But it felt like, it's still not enough.

Maybe he was getting greedy. Maybe, after all this time, his priorities are changing and without him knowing,he's becoming selfish and confident. And he absolutely hates it.

He swallowed down the bile that's threatening to choke him up. Closing his eyes to prevent the tears of anger on spilling.

**"Soonyoung, come on love"** he didn't notice how much time passed until he felt Jihoon cupping his face gently, just like he did with him earleir. He breathed deeply, trying to hide away again. He looked at Jihoon and smiled at him, but it only caused for Jihoon to frown even more.

**"let me undress you, the water will get cold"** Jihoon started to take off his clothes but Soonyoung stopped him.

 **"Why don't you go in the tub already? I'll be right there with you, yeah?"** Jihoon was about to protest but Soonyoung pecked him on the lips before pushing him back inside the bathroom.

Soonyoung sighed to himself, getting clothes out of his bag and putting them down to the bed so that when he and Jihoon finished, it'll be ready. he undressed himself and smiled when he saw Jihoon relaxing inside the tub.

The tub was big, which is a good thing. Jihoon might be small compared to him, but he doesn't think a small tub would fit the both of them.

He stayed right there, just staring at his boyrfriend. Without the make up and fancy clothing, he can see all the natural beauty of his boyfriend. Sure, he looks pretty with make up adoring his face. But Soonyoung prefers him like this, with nothing covering up every flaw he has memorized.

He smiled.

He was so busy taking care of the other members, making sure that they are sated and sleeping without any regrets, he kind of forgot the most important one.

The feeling of anger and disappointment he was feeling earlier becamse softer and turned into sadness. If there's someone who worked the hardest in their group, it was Jihoon. He singlehandly produced all 11 songs and wrote 10 of them himself. He created a masterpiece while practicing and getting ready for their tour. He has so much in his plate and yet, he didn't hear him complain tonight. Soonyoung suddenly felt ashamed.

**"do you like to be the little spoon or the big spoon?"** He whispered, minding his voice so that Jihoon won't be surprised.

**"Little, come on tiger, hug me"** Jihoon moved to make space for Soonyoung, and he didn't even think twice before complying. At this point, he'll do everything his boyfriend tells him to do.

He settled himself in the bathtub, and pulling Jihoon in between his legs. Wrapping his arms around his waist and immediately burying his face on his neck.

_"Are you okay, baby? how are you feeling?"_ He asked softly.

 **"shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"** Instead of answering his boyfriend, Soonyoung just hold on to him tighter.

 **"Soonyoung-ahhh...you know I won't force you to say anything, right? But I'm here. I'll take care of you when you're so busy of taking care of other people. If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay too. We can just take a bath, relax, and sleep, okay?"** Jihoon reached back, one hand patting his head and the other tapping regular beats on his arms that are snaked around him.

 **"I would love that"** He pressed a kissed on his shoulder and tried to wash away the ugly feelings that has been swirling in his stomach all night.

* * *

Soonyoung tried to sleep. But he can still feel the adrenaline in his veins, and the lingering anger he had felt from earlier. he had tried to calm his mind, and tried to empty his thoughts. But it didn't work. He's still lying down, awake and feeling shit.

He looked at his boyfriend who's sleeping soundly beside him, his small body curved around his own and his head pillowed on his chest. Soonyoung is afraid to wake him up, but he knew that a tired Jihoon is hard to wake up. Very slowly, and gently, he removed himself from his boyfriend's hold and put a pillow in his place. He grabbed his phone, a jacket, and proceeded to leave the room.

He originally wanted to walk around, maybe it would clear his mind and he might be able to pick up an inspiration. But he was restless. There's an itch under his skin, and he can feel an energy from within him wanting to burst. So he changed tracks, and instead of going out, he went to the hotel's gym.

It was empty, considering that it's already 2 in the morning. But Soonyoung couldn't careless, as long as it is open, that's good enough for him. And besides, he doesn't even know if he wants someone to see him like this.

Soonyoung let himself feel every emotion he has been pushing away all night. He let the anger come to the surface, the disappointment, the regrets. And pushed them out of his body by doing some rope curl. He wanted to do some bench pressing but he knows he's tired and he's afraid that his body might not be able to do it.

He doesn't know why he's so mad. It was just an award show. They've been into plenty. Received plenty awards too. But this particular night, it struck a chord in him he doesn't even know exist. He felt bad for his members. He felt like all of their efforts were disregarded and set aside. They prepared a lot for this event, but it felt like they weren't even important.

After the anger, comes the disappointment. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe he wasn't enough. As the leader of seventeen's performance team, he has a say in their choreography and how it would went up in the stage. He had helped in preparing their theme, and what kind of performance they would show. And personally, he felt liked he had failed. He had failed to show something good, something better, something that would scream their talent and showcase each member. He felt like he failed all of the members. Turning his feelings to sadness and shame.

He should've done better. Maybe he wasn't cut to be a leader, maybe he wasn't meant to be their performance leader.

He startled when his phone rang loudly in the quietness of the room. Only his loud panting can be heard beside the cry of his phone, indicating somebody calling.

He took it from the floor and frowned when it was already past 4 am, and Seungcheol who's on a different country is calling him.

He answered it out of worry.

**"Hyung! What's wrong why are you calling, it's late you should be asleep, is everything alright? Do you need something, are you okay?"**

**"KWON SOONYOUNG! Do you know how worried I was when Jihoon called saying you've been missing? He's practically crying over the phone!"** Seungcheol bellowed, and guilt ate away in his conscience.

**"I'm so sorry, hyung. I didn't notice the time. i just wanted to clear my head a little bit. I didn't know it has been hours. I'll go back to the room, right now"** He assured, feeling a little bit foolish with how he acted. Even his hyung who should be resting is disturbed because of his restlessness.

**"Soonyoung-ahhh, can you tell me what happened? Jihoon told me you've been feeling upset all night. I watched you perform and I can see it, you know? Tell hyung what happened"**

Soonyoung shook his head, and then realized that Seungcheol can't see him.

**"It's nothing, hyung. Please rest. It's morning, and you should be taking all the time to-"**

**"Soon, can you stop for a second? stop taking care of us when I'm trying to take care of you. I know there's something wrong, but I want it to come from you. Tell me, and let hyung carry the burden with you. After all, we're both the leaders, yeah?"**

Without a prompt, a sob went out of his lips. And tears started to fall down. He tried to muffle it and to not let his hyung hear it but it has been a long night, and he's tired. he just wants this heavy feeling to go away.

**"But hyung, you're already thinking a lot of things. This is... this is nothing. It's selfish, and wrong, and I'll get over it"** he reasoned, refusing to be another burden his hyung has to carry.

**"Then let the other members take care of you, let your boyfriend take care of you. Soonyoung, we're a team. You can share it with them, and they'll help you"** Soonyoung just cried harder, letting it all out.

**"I'm so afraid, hyung"** He whispered.

**"What are you afraid of, Soonyoung-ah?"**

**"I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I'm changing. Hyung, I felt it. All I keep on thinking all night is how our members deserved that award. They worked hard for it, and that's all I'm asking. For korea, for people to recognized how much they've been working hard for it. It was one award, and I expected that it would be ours again because have you seen our members? they were so amazing, hyung. Is that selfish? hyung I'm afraid I'm getting greedy, and that I'd be measuring our success with how many awards we have..and I...Hyung, I don't want that. I hate that. hyung, I don't want to ever feel that"** He spoke through his tears, letting out what he has been afraid of.

He was startled when the phone was stolen from his hand and he looked up to see Jihoon standing over him, he didn't even notice that he's already on the floor.

**"Jihoon what-"**

**"hey, cheol. I'm here. Take a rest, i''ll take it from here. Hmm, okay. Good night. yeah, Thanks, bye"** Jihoon ended the call, and pocketed soonyoung's phone before kneeling down infront of him.

**"You're such an idiot, come here baby"** Jihoon gently pulled him, until he is crying his heart out on Jihoon's chest.

* * *

When jihoon woke up without his boyfriend besides him, he immediately knew something was wrong. He had observed him all night. Saw the storm brewing in his mind, but he knew that cornering him and forcing him to open up would just be counter productive, and would end up with him closing off even more. So he left him alone most of the night, just keeping his eyes on him if ever something happen.

But all throughout the night, he just saw how Soonyoung lost himself in taking care of the other members. Complimenting them, reassuring them, and making sure that none of them would sleep with a heavy heart. He watched as his boyfriend forgot himself and once again put the others as priority. Even before they sleep, Soonyoung had made sure that Jihoon is as okay as he would ever be.

So he's not surprised to wake up with him not beside him anymore. He sighed. He wrapped himself in a coat, and proceeded to look for him. Assuming that he's just with one of the members, maybe one of them had asked for his companion. It's not something new. Some days it would be Chan, sometimes Minghao, there are even times that it's wonwoo or jun.

But when he had knocked to all of their rooms, and none of them knew where their dance captain is, that's when Jihoon started to panic.

He even resorted to calling Seungcheol, which ended up to be the person who found Soonyoung. Ironic, he was the one who's miles away. But he was the one who knew first where Soonyoung is. With a half hearted goodbye to Joshua and other members he so rudely woke up, he dashed to the place Seungcheol messaged him to go.

_And his heart broke when he saw how his boyfriend look._

Soonyoung was in the middle of the empty dark gym, crying on the floor, with Seungcheol on the other end of the line. Soonyoung rarely cries. Not because he's trying to be strong like Jihoon, or he's afraid of people knowing he's weak, No. Soonyoung rarely cries because he has such a large heart that it takes a lot to hurt him, it takes a lot to make him sad or mad. Most of the time, he'll sulk a little. But he'll get over it faster than anyone can. That's just how he is. He believes that things happens for a reason, and always justifies other people's action. That's why he never get mad or sad to the point of crying. But now...

**"It's okay, baby, I'm here"** He kissed the top of Soonyoung's head. He doesn't know how long they've been in there, and he doesn't know how long Soonyoung has been crying.

**"I'm sorry"** That was what Soonyoung keeps on repeating. Jihoon doesn't understand why, but he just lets him, holding him tighter in his arms until his sobs turned into a quiet hiccup, and until he completely stopped crying. Letting his body fall against Jihoon's. Jihoon doesn't mind, he'll carry him even if he has to.

**"Tell me?"** He asked, softly. And Soonyoung nodded. He let him get out of his embrace, but didn't let go of his hand, intertwining them with his own. He smiled at him, hoping that he'll feel better.

**"I don't know, hoonie. I just felt shit. I mean, it was not a big deal. We always talk about how awards aren't important. But...but... earlier, I felt it, you know? Jihoon, our boys deserved that. You deserved that. From the song to the stages, seventeen has worked hard even to the single detail. And I don't know, I just want people to recognize our talents, the members did well and I'm just disappointed that I wasn't enough. That we aren't enough to receive something for that"** Soonyoung explained, playing with his fingers. Jihoon was about to say something but Soonyoung started talking again.

**"Jihoon-ahhh, I'm scared. I'm scared of being greedy. That one day I'll wake up and all I would think about is why we haven't received any awards, I'm scared that I would lose focus on our music and instead be obsessed with things like that. Jihoon, I don't want to be like that"** a lone tear fell from Soonyoung's eyes again, and Jihoon immediately wiped them away. He smiled, cupping Soonyoung's face and started pressing kissed on his face.

He put a light pressure on both of his eyes, tasting the salty tears in them. On his nose, and both to his cheeks, feeling how warm they are underneath his lips. He then pressed a little longer on his forehead, before finally tasting his lips. It was a sweet kiss, one that conveys comfort and hope. And Jihoon smiled into it.

**"You're not like that, Soonie. I heard you earlier, you know? I heard all the things you told Cheol hyung. You're not greedy, nor selfish. You're the opposite. It has been a hard year, and I know you've been looking out for our members who has been having a harder time than us. And I know, I feel it, that it was not the award you wanted. You just want people to know and to see the love and passion we put in our work, and that's not something selfish. It's okay to be upset about it, too. But that doesn't mean you're starting to get greedy"** When he saw that Soonyoung was about to protest he stopped him by pressing his lips to him.

**"You're right about the boys doing well, but you did so well too. You are enough for us, for the carats. And I'm going to keep saying this to you, we did so well. Seventeen did so well, and no awards can measure that. We're happy, the members are happy, and the carats are happy. And that's what important. It was disappointing not to receive the award, sure. But you made sure that our members don't regret anything, you made sure that they know they're the best for you and Soonyoung-ahhh, you're the best for us too. We won't ask for any other dance captain because that's you. And no one can do it like you do, baby"** He saw the shy small smile that adorned Soonyoung's face, and he counts that as a win before continuing.

**"You love music and dancing more than anything. You love the members and our fans more than anything. And I think, that is enough assurance that you won't ever be greedy. And if you ever do, I will be here and I will knock it off you until you learn your lesson"**

**"Is that a deal, Lee Jihoon?"** Jihoon finally laughed when he saw a shine of mischief on his boyfriend, and a ghost of a grin on his lips.

**"You bet"** Soonyoung pulled him in for a kiss. This time longer, deeper and definitely less innocent than the first one.

**"I know you're frustrated right now...maybe you'd like to put that energy somewhere else, hmm? I know an activity you would like"** Jihoon tempted, smiling coyly at his boyfriend. At this point, he'll use any means to make his boyfriend forget and to lessen the burden his feelings.

He sighed in relief when his boyfriend wrapped his arms around, and proceeded to lift him before standing up.

**"I'll make it fast, we have a flight tomorrow"** Soonyoung whispered, and Jihoon giggled.

**"Whatever you want, tiger"**

Soonyoung did ended up pounding the stress in Jihoon's body, making them both tired all throughout the day. But none of the members really care, especially after hearing from Joshua what had happened. They're just glad that Soonyoung and Jihoon have each other to rely to when everything gets tough.

And in return of the favor Soonyoung did for them the night before, they took it as their task to pamper him all throughout the week.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter for more AUs and Content
> 
> @WeShipAndWesail
> 
> Please don't hate, and let's spread positivity instead. ❤️❤️❤️


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